My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so explain again why im purple
no
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
