Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
