You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
