Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
50% drunk capacity currently
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
