I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
