i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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