Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
