im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
