I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
