This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
