Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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