You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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