She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
