How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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