Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
