meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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