I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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