If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
