what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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