so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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