True but thats because hes a fetus.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
