____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
