I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
