I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
