I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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