he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
