Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
