I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
