Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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