allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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