forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
