Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
