She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
