So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
