very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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