Sry I called you an 8
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
