so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
