But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
