I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
