this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
