I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
