She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
