I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
