I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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