I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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