I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
