We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are the jesus of drinking
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
