So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
