I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
