I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
