I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
